Whenever I start to think I might be a cool guy, I remember that I always, always, always laugh at shit like this

I’m very proud of my longtime buddy Eric getting props for his pipes. Listen to his gravelly chocolatey goodness.

yachtrock:

My audiobook version of Pulitzer Prize winner Charlie LeDuff’s brilliant memoir “Detroit: An American Autopsy” is now on sale.

Last week, I got the amazing good news that my narration received an Earphones award, and I was interviewed for the latest issue of AudioFile magazine. Charlie wrote a hell of a book, gritty and raw, hysterically funny and heartbreakingly sad, a tale that will stay with you long after it’s done.

You can check it out and listen to a sample here.

This is how we walk now

As an inveterate fidgeter, I would sell my fingers “Gift Of The Magi”-style for one of these.

Mondays, am I right?

(via Coyote pup rescued after being covered with cholla cactus | azfamily.com Phoenix)

Cleaning up my photo folder. These two were right next to each other, labeled “the agony” and “the ecstasy”. No idea why.

liartownusa:

Inspiration No.2 (of 2)

Why I’m learning parkour

Goron roll activate!

“BRIDGETOWN BUDS” coming this midseason to The CW

Booth babes of #Bridgetown

#FF untitledscreenplays.tumblr.com

These fucking things are everywhere. Should I call an exterminator, or just douse them with lye?

Morning energy

God the Oscars were so hard to predict that year

Look at those foot tufts

coca-cola:

The Loch Ness Monster was first sighted today in 1933. People think Nessie was a menacing creature… but, really, she was a thirsty one.

When you guys are like, what do you do all day? The answer is come up with stuff like ths.

Happy Mother’s Day, Ma. Thanks for protecting me from sea monsters for all these years.

danforth:

We all love Chewbacca because we all wish our dog or cat was big enough to hug us and help drive our car.

If I could yell “Punch it!” to my cat as we merged onto a freeway — man. Forget it.

This forced perspective is so phony. It’s not really that big, ya know.

retrostarwars:

in the face of armageddon

Panel five gets me every goddamn time.

HE TOTALLY DOES IT

caboosealmighty:

Rifftrax Titanic

danforth:

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

Andy Warhol and Tootsie

Getting ready for my glamorous day

premiumgifs:

[video]

Kittens are the best. Note the toe stretch at lower left.

Someone adopt this dog, I can’t handle this today

hodgman:

gantpants:

I found this fella today tied to a bench in Prospect Park. I was taking a jog, and stopped to get him some much needed lunch and a bath. We visited the vet (Animal Kind Veterinary Hospital, 365 7th Ave Brooklyn - they were amazing and so informative) and got him all checked out. His name is Bentley according to his microchip.

He is very friendly and well-behaved, though he needs a little help on the leash. Part of that is probably that he’s only about two years old (vet estimate). We got his shots, some antibiotics for the wear and tear that comes from living on a bench for a few days, and some dog food to get him fattened up. His collar was traded in for a harness (way easier to walk).

He weighs 52.6 lbs, and he’ll get bigger as he eats properly. Right now he’s napping on his new bed, and he’s so freaking cute and wonderful. 

But I can’t have a dog right now. As much as I would love to keep him it wouldn’t be fair to him, and it would be irresponsible of me considering my current employment situation (recently fired, not quite freelancing). I’ve contacted Shawn Casey of animal rescue but they are currently full. If any one wants this friendly guy please let me know. You can email me at gantpowell@gmail.com. I will answer any questions you might have. Until then, we’re going to bop along and probably go on some jogs together. Also I’m going to fatten him up properly.

It’s been a long day for me, and a terrible week for Bentley. I hope he gets really healthy and happy. I don’t know about fate, but I think this was supposed to happen today.

Edit: I want to address a concern about some information I didn’t include concerning Bentley’s microchip. I didn’t mention that yes, his owners were registered along with their address and phone number. I worked with the vet to contact them and unfortunately, after repeat attempts, we haven’t had a response sine Monday. The more I get to know Bentley’s personality and his likes and dislikes, it’s plain to see that his old life may not have been as loving as we would like. I have followed up with 311 to make sure I am not stealing someone’s beloved pet, but considering the state I found him in, and the lack of response from his registered owners, they explained that he is now my responsibility. I hope that this is for the better. He has been very happy and playful today, and has even taken naps and played with his chew toys. He wasn’t doing any of that yesterday. He is still having some anxiety issues but the arrival of a crate has given him some security and a safe space to himself, which I think he definitely deserves. Tomorrow is another big day, and we will start meeting some prospective pet owners! Yay Bentley!

Come on, South Slopeans. Help this dog out. And/or stop tying your dogs to benches. 

Youtube is magical sometimes. Here’s a video of The Seeds wearing capes making a guest appearance on the 1968 sitcom “The Mothers-in-Law” to sing Pushing Too Hard

Via 

Check out Two-Face over here.

Ray Harryhausen is dead. He was a great stop-motion animator who made movies as showcases for his stop-motion effects sequences, rather than working for hire as a journeyman on someone else’s movie. There is no modern equivalent to his career path, talent, influence, or sheer output. I loved everything of his that I ever saw and I’m so glad he had the very definition of “a good run”. 

This is part 1 of his “Mysterious Island”, a giant-animal movie that I taped off cable when I was a kid and then watched about a thousand times. It’s got fun performances from some midcentury-modern character actors, a big blaring Bernard Herrmann score, and of course a cavalcade of jittery monsters that owe their existence to this one weird gifted man. Watch this part and then watch all the other parts and feel lucky that someone like this got to spend his movie career doing just about whatever the hell he wanted.

R.I.P.R.H.

I’m glad it’s “wild caught”; the conditions are terrible on octopus factory farms

ronbabcock:

I want to cook dinner for your face.

Why is he carrying Marsellus Wallace’s briefcase

adammuto:

No. 41

SNOOPY LOOK OUT

allcreatures:

PHOTO BY ERIC GAY/ASSOCIATED PRESS (via Spoiling for a dogfight: Barron, the Kaiser’s ace wiener dog, flies his Fokker triplane in Sa)

Greenstreet: What makes you depressed?
Žižek: Seeing stupid people happy.

Greenstreet: What do you owe your parents?
Žižek: Nothing, I hope. I didn’t spend a minute bemoaning their death.

Greenstreet: What does love feel like?
Žižek: Like a great misfortune, a monstrous parasite, a permanent state of emergency that ruins all small pleasures.

Greenstreet: What is your favourite smell?
Žižek: Nature in decay, like rotten trees.

Greenstreet: Have you ever said ‘I love you’ and not meant it?
Žižek: All the time. When I really love someone, I can only show it by making aggressive and bad-taste remarks.

Greenstreet: What is the worst job you’ve done?
Žižek: Teaching. I hate students, they are (as all people) mostly stupid and boring.

Greenstreet: What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
Žižek: That life is a stupid, meaningless thing that has nothing to teach you.

Greenstreet: Tell us a secret.
Žižek: Communism will win.

(via fuckyeahphilosophy)

It’s like this guy answered these questions by going down a checklist of Eastern-European and postmodern-academic stereotypes, mumbling “DEFINITELY gotta work the word ‘decay’ in there somewhere” and stubbing out clove cigarettes on his own arm.

This is Jake. Today is his birthday. Obviously.

Reblog if your head just exploded

lunatictoons:

Bedeviled Rabbit

New Grand Theft Cutscenes trailer.

adverve:

A Bag You Can Play With … Even If You’re Not a Cat

A bit old, this, but the idea remains an appealing one. With help from Bangalore-based Happy Creative Services, Lee produced a shopping bag whose parts never go to waste. Make something useful or purely entertaining. Either way, you’ll get more out of it than if you just stuck it in the closet and waited for a bag lunch day.

(via Pop Chart Lab — The Very Many Varieties of Beer)

Tobin Sprout is the best thing about Guided By Voices and any other band he’s ever been in.

A reckless romanticization of canine cookery. DO NOT get a dog and expect it to cook you omelettes. Most dogs cannot even manage a basic roux

worldwarmike:

Omelette by Madeline Sharafian. Story of my life.

itlego:

Daft Invaders

Created by zomboy

Shirts available at Redbubble

WORK IT BUILD IT

I have to go barf forever now

oldloves:

Thora Birch & Bill Maher

yachtrock:

Michel Gondry did a portrait of me and here it is.

liartownusa:

“Abusive, insane Twitter rant aimed at all biches”

Me and the wife

Pictured: me, life

premiumgifs:

[video]

Whenever I get up from my desk chair, this happens in a matter of seconds. This cat never seems to get tired of having his dumb ass tossed across the room.

Best friends.

Dog, stick, afterglow.

I saw this premiere at Bridgetown. It’s absolutely…it’s just absolutely.

Is this how you “throw shade”? 

Is this how you “throw shade”? 

Imagine you are Barack Obama. Only four other living people know what it’s like to have your job. Two of them are going to be dead of old age inside of five minutes. One of them is the stupidest asshole ever to run a Western democracy. And the last one is Bill Clinton.

Barry probably feels a tad lonely, I guess is what I’m saying.

jeffwattenhofer:

Uh, could the two really old ones move to their left a little bit?

More.

More.

Little more.

Tiny tiny bit more.

One little itty bit more.

Perfect.

Imagine you are Barack Obama. Only four other living people know what it’s like to have your job. Two of them are going to be dead of old age inside of five minutes. One of them is the stupidest asshole ever to run a Western democracy. And the last one is Bill Clinton.

Barry probably feels a tad lonely, I guess is what I’m saying.

jeffwattenhofer:

Uh, could the two really old ones move to their left a little bit?

More.

More.

Little more.

Tiny tiny bit more.

One little itty bit more.

Perfect.

Good advice for all us sads

premiumgifs:

How to Exercise With Your Cats [video]

ebtpearce:

My friend anthony started this sadkidsatdisneyland tumblr

It’s probably the best thing on the internet

A Visual History Of Daft Punk’s Helmets - PSFK

OH, I GET IT

lunatictoons:

Onward and Upward

clarksmustache:

The classy, elegant, sophisticated people of Hollywood’s Golden Era

Spring

Portland is sad that #Bridgetown is over. That’s why the sky is blue

Chip and Robert and Robert’s tie #bridgetown

The specter of @heyron creeps upon us all

My wife and not my wife WHICH ONE DO I SHOOT

Five minutes to showtime! Closing night! American Dad is on!

ronbabcock:

I’m performing on the EAGLES LODGE CLOSING SHOW tonight at 10PM. The lineup is quite good so if you’re in Portland, come join us for the good times.

Fun with fun friends! I’m the one in the middle.

Ghost kitty has unfinished business with the birds outside

JUST TAKE THOSE OLD KITTENS OFF THE SHELF

BRIDGETOWN WEATHER

I’m at #Bridgetown and I think I just met my wife. Could be the one, guys. For real.

liartownusa:

Charlotte’s Web (Darker Version)

Nailed contributor Josh Atlas interviews comedian Paul Jay as part of our coverage of the 2013 Bridgetown Comedy Fest in Portland, OR.

R.I.P.D. trailer, starring Jeff Bridges’ rootin’-tootin’ paycheck-cashin’ Oscar-voice and Ryan Reynolds’ mimpy wince-face. 

This looks completely terrible.

Who wants to go see it five time with me when it comes out?

DID I WIN

Sushi Jackson: Guard of the Citadel

thegoddamazon:

bigcatrescue:

BIG cats love boxes too!

What the fuck is it with cats and boxes.

I love the look on the black panther’s face, like “I know, I know, I’m a stereotype, leave me alone”

Bridgetown is coming

Song of the summer. Calling it now.

dorites:

“Beyond” was recently premiered on French radio station, Est FM. This song sounds even funkier than “Get Lucky” and proves that this album is truly a modern classic.

This is SUPPOSED to be stupid, right?

I read this and I liked it a lot. Anyone can make a pop culture reference, but Michael Chabon makes pop culture references beautiful.

The American Analog Set is one of those bands that I feel like only I know about. This is a shame. They are pretty.

We watched MST3k’s “Kitten With A Whip” tonight for the first time in a while. One of my top five favorite episodes they ever did. And it gave me an excuse to post pictures of Ann-Margret with a weird baby jungle kitty.

Marijuana is a gateway drug. Specifically, this gateway.

Currently reading. No one can write an antiwar book like a soldier, and no one can write an antiwar book that’s also rock-hard-science fiction like Joe Haldeman. If you like your rueful Vietnam romans-a-clef tempered with alien space battles and relativistic time dilation, give it a look.

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT GIZMO

premiumgifs:

[video]

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT GIZMO

premiumgifs:

[video]

atencio:

I feel like this sketch from last season is apropos in light of Braid Paisley and LL Cool J’s new duet, “Accidental Racist.”

Also, a note to Brad Paisley: thinking LL Cool J is in any way a relevant rapper to record a duet with actually proves that you’re racist.

GPOY

earlyworksseries:

Neil LaBute, Age 7, Ladder 5 Elementary, Spokane Washington

 

Copyright 2013 A. Frost

Portrait of a hangover. I drank like a real comedian last night. 

lunatictoons:

Son of Stimpy

Oh dear GOD this is the stupidest thing that has ever made me tear up like a furry watching “Avatar”

fleetfoxessing:

“End Of The Road” by Boyz II Men

Download the mp3 here.

Watch the original video.

Hey, why not listen to this? Hope Sandoval is the best. You’re welcome. I have been drinking.

If my wife didn’t already have her Halloween costume picked out…

wehadfacesthen:

Mystery Girl of !947

kwmurphy:

I hope by now you’ve heard these fellows and what they do.  These four and their guests have provided me with more laughs over the last couple of years than I can count.  

When I was a wee lad I listened to Firesign Theater records, over and over again, not simply because they were cryptic and obscure and fed the in-joke catchphrase beast of high school cool, but because when they were on they were profoundly funny, they played off each other with precision and glee, their timing was impeccable, and their bits would build to the point where I’d have to pause the record so I could breathe.  They were the comedic equivalent of a great rock band.

I get the same feeling listening to Superego, only with them the madness runs deeper, the interplay more synergistic, the energy controlled just enough.  

I don’t know if you ever heard the Replacements on a good night.  These guys are the Replacements on a Good Night of Comedy. I’ve had the pleasure of sharing the microphone with them twice, but I can only bathe in their reflected brilliance.

Their latest is a compilation of their third season and it’s great introduction to them. Now go forth and download. 

Look at this dandy lion

Beach puppin’

Just in time for the duo’s new album, Bluefin Tamashii Nations USA confirms Daft Punk will be inducted into the S.H.Figuarts action figure series. The electronic music maestros will each stand a little under 6-inches high with multiple points of articulation and feature their signature helmets with a shiny metallic finish. Look for these two in November.

yachtrock:

This American Wife Episode 65 - Kevin Murphy, Bill Corbett, special guest Joel Hodgson

“Robots of Mystery and Science” This American Wife is back from hiatus with a very special episode. Joel Hodgson created the iconic television series Mystery Science Theater 3000. And he got by with a little help from his robot friends. Interviews with Bill Corbett (Crow T. Robot) and Kevin Murphy (Tom Servo) on man and machine, with a little bit of insight from Joel. Stay with us.

Produced and edited by Eric Martin.

Correspondents at large: Paul Jay, Jen Goldberg.

Created by Ned Hepburn and Eric Martin.

Follow us on Twitter and Facebook, stream the show on Stitcher.

Download episode here.

Subscribe on itunes here.

This American Wife returns from hiatus with a very special show. Mystery Science Theater 3000. Joel and the bots. Can you believe it!

This is extremely important. What an honor, really. For all of you.

LADY TIGERS, PLEASE

ONE AT A TIME

allcreatures:

To Jae Jae, the London Zoo’s handsome Sumatran, “tree” is just another name for cat-scratch post.

PHOTO BY KIRSTY WIGGLESWORTH/ASSOCIATED PRESS (via SF Gate)

So long, Richard Griffiths. Make God run away to wizard school!

North Korea.

davetotheross:

have you seen the newest WOMEN sketch? i LOVE the newest WOMEN sketch. you should watch the newest WOMEN sketch!!!

These guys are my friends

Why go to bed when there is the internet

bunnyfood:

(via dpaf:video:via)

deedlydeedlydeedlydeedlydeedlyPARKOURdeedlydeedlydeedlydeedly

Sunday couch buds.

tastefullyoffensive:

[Off the Leash by Rupert Fawcett]

daveholmes:

davidseger:

Will Sasso Lemon Compilation (via YouTube)

In case yr not following Will Sasso on Vine someone stitched these beauties together and thank goodness. 

Tears. TEARS.

CNN, if I knew, I would tell you.

When I watch anyone succeed at anything

Look, it’s my favorite show: ‘Roo Balls Drag Race

• fear
• shame
• plague
• being chased through an abandoned children’s hospital by an axe-wielding Christopher Walken
• all of the air in the world suddenly turning into wood
• grief 

• Ned’s music reviews

laughingsquid:

Blade Runner Producer Screening Notes Ask ‘Were They All on Drugs When They Did This?’

If you have to ask, the answer is, “yes.”

Tango helps me manage my CBS (Cold Balls Syndrome)

Does Notre Dame add their uniforms’ ACTUAL colors in post?

Shout at the devil, little buddy.  

premiumgifs:

[video]

wehadfacesthen:

Barbara Stanwyck in Baby Face (Alfred E Green, 1933)

ifc:

Hard ‘n Phirm “Pi”

A very informative interview with H.R. Giger about his work on “Alien”. I am a sucker for behind-the-scenes dirt like this.

thepathealy:

atencio:

I’m still wondering how Life of Pi won best cinematography, but no one is as pissed about it as DP Chris Doyle.

Right on.

I’m conflicted about this. On the one hand, it’s obviously not cinematography to film a dude on a greenscreen for three months. On the other, EVERY MOVIE NOW is riddled with greenscreen shots. Where is the dividing line between Cinematography and Not-Cinematography?

Also, unrelated to the cinematography debate, this guy sounds fucking insufferable. Like being on a film crew with your freshman-year anarchist roommate.

Lee Pace and @nedhepburn have never been photographed together, probably because they don’t know each other

Demetrious Johnson has “Avatar” ears and I can’t stop looking at them

I can’t wait til the grid goes dark and we’re using smartphones as roof tiles for our plastic plague-huts.

fuckyeahdementia:

“What a difference 8 years makes: St. Peter’s Square in 2005 and yesterday”

[via]

Attention @NatashaVC

danielpwnz:

Brock Landers: Angels Live in My Town

Ladies and gentlemen, a one-minute master class in the art of film acting. Your instructor is Mr. Martin Landau. There will be a test. There will only be one question on the test: Is “Ed Wood” one of your favorite movies? If you say no YOU FAIL AND ARE KILLED

Our order numbers at the sandwich place. I’M NOT ABOVE THIS AND NEITHER ARE YOU

“In 2010 John St. took on its toughest challenge yet. Make Chelsea Bedano’s birthday party a success in an already cluttered birthday market. The results were astounding.”

Pink Ponies: A Case Study (by relishashley)

androry:

Kanye Wiest

This is everything I care about.

I can’t believe I’m a 3-strip Technicolor cinematography dork and I’ve NEVER seen this. 

wehadfacesthen:

Another favorite film is Black Narcissus (Michael Powell and Emeric Pressburger, 1947). Set in the foothills of the Himalayas where a group of Anglican nuns have come to establish a school and convent, the film bursts with contrasting qualities, images, emotions, and energies. It’s so much more than the East Meets West drama one might expect.

It’s a melodrama, but it’s also a simple story about a crisis of faith. It’s about sexual  frustration leading to hysteria (Kathleen Byron in photos 5 & 6), but it’s also a story of love, both romantic and spiritual. It depicts the conflict between the world and the cloistered nuns as well as the conflict in the fading British Empire between exoticism and domesticity. And it’s also a study of the conflict between community and isolation.

But most of all, it’s just unbelievably beautiful to look at. The lush cinematography (by Jack Cardiff) and the almost fantastical production design (by Alfred Junge) are breathtaking and deserved to be seen on the big screen, or at least on Blu-Ray. 

But the film is anchored, emotionally and spiritually, by Deborah Kerr as Sister Clodagh, the Mother Superior of the tiny community of Anglican nuns who have come to the Himalayas. Only 25 at the time Black Narcissus was filmed, she capably inhabits the quiet yearning center of this phantasmagorical creation. Without her soulful presence, the film might have dissolved into beautiful madness.

Black Narcissus is one of a series of nearly hallucinogenic films that Pressburger and Powell made in the years after World War II (the others being The Red Shoes and Tales of Hoffman). Films that move us as much through their visual beauty and audacity as by their stories.

This is a hard one to write about. I have been haunted by this film for ages, and I’m stumbling to find the words to explain why. So just go see it. See it if you can.

Moose posing for the photo on his album of Elliott Smith covers

Moss: It’s Actually Kind Of Complicated

GPOY

bohemea:

Vivienne Westwood by Platon

Our Lady of Yardage

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: THE WORST.

Currently the top two trending hashtags. Probably just a coincidence.

liartownusa:

Celebrity Art Showcase: Ben Kingsley

If you aren’t following this guy you are missing out on what is best in life

oldloves:

Kirsten Dunst & Jake Gyllenhaal, 2004

lunatictoons:

all 26 of the Simpsons’ 25 puppies

I want my baby bat baby bat baby bat baby bat baby bat baby bat baby bat I want my baby bat baby bat baby bat baby bat baby bat baby bat baby bat

babyanimal-gifs:

baby mexican free-tailed bat.
x

funnyordie:

The Postal Service Auditions

Sub Pop Records held auditions in 2002 for Postal Service. They’ve never been seen by the public — until now. 

HAHAHA PLEASE KILL ME

madmenillustrated:

drawn by dyna moe

My wife took up knitting the other day, and my cat, who had never seen knitting needles or yarn before in his entire life, IMMEDIATELY knew what to do.

[ed.– don’t let your cats eat yarn because it’ll tangle their gut parts and you will have to resort to pawning your possessions, drug trafficking, prostitution, and Kickstarter to pay for the resulting surgery]

lunatictoons:

Pet Peeve

Superego is important and you should all listen to it all the time.

mattgourley:

An eye-look at some case studies from Monday’s new Superego.

Top down: Thomas Lennon, Jen Kirkman with Paul F. Tompkins as the little mustache kid, Thomas Lennon again with Me Gourley, and Jeremy Carter as his mom. 

This episode also features Chris Tallman, James Bladon, and of course our very own Mark McConville.

HOBBES NOOOOOO

allcreatures:

The snowman made for him by Brookfield Zoo keepers didn’t stand a chance. The Amur tiger especially enjoyed the eyes and buttons, which were made of meat, and the feet, which were bones.

Photo: Jim Schulz, Associated Press (via Well, what do we have here? A vaguely human form smelling of raw meat. AND HE DOESN’T SEE ME)

I want to live in it.

whoaskedforthis:

youmightfindyourself:

Anthony Mangieri, certified pizza obsessive, has a sterling reputation, a devoted following, and an East Village pizza shop, Una Pizza Napoletana, that’s packed every night it’s open. But until last month, the thing that Mangieri had wanted since he was in short pants had eluded him: a bona fide wood-burning pizza oven handcrafted by the same Neapolitan artisans who built the ones at Naples’ legendary pizzerias like Da Michele. With its meticulously precise proportions, its hand-laid firebrick, and its heat-sucking floor, the oven is the devout pizza man’s holy grail. It’s also nearly impossible to get—unless, as Mangieri says, “you make it easy for them.” This summer, he did just that. He closed Una Pizza Napoletana for three weeks to prepare for the arrival of the 4,000-pound beast, a production that entailed hiring a rigging company, buying a shipping container, wrangling with customs, and replacing his storefront, and that sent one employee to the hospital and ended up costing Mangieri $19,000, all told. Secrecy and inscrutableness among Naples’ pizzaioli and especially its oven builders—of which Mangieri says there are exactly two who count—is a time-honored tradition. Russian spies have nothing on Neapolitan pizza oven builders. In that hush-hush spirit, Mangieri’s keeping his oven builder’s name to himself. But he was willing to divulge the finer points of what makes this thing so great.

1. Tiles
From a shop around the corner; Mangieri did the work himself, emulating the classic ovens of Naples.

2. Birth Date
Mangieri recorded the date that he laid the last tile: 9-10-07, at 4:30 in the morning.

3. Oven Chamber
Firebrick-lined and specifically proportioned in relation to the arch and the pitch of the oven dome so that the flame licks the ceiling and heat is perfectly distributed throughout. This allows the pizza’s top and bottom to cook uniformly in 40 to 90 seconds, at a temperature of 900 to 1,000 degrees.

4. Wood Shavings
Mangieri tosses a handful of aspen and pine wood shavings onto the embers just before he shoves a pizza into the oven to give it a smoky fragrance.

5. Wood
Estonian white birch. “I like oak too,” says Mangieri, “but I haven’t been able to find any that’s consistently seasoned and burns as beautifully as this does.” With the efficient new oven, he’s using a quarter of what he used to.

6. Base
Built by Mangieri from concrete board to support the oven; steel arch is repurposed from the old Una oven’s mouth.

7. Oven Floor
Made from refractory material in Sorrento that absorbs the heat and prevents the pizzas from cooking too fast and burning. A layer of volcanic soil lies underneath. “Its job,” says Mangieri, “is also to absorb heat, and as with tomatoes that grow on Mount Vesuvius, to impart a distinct flavor that can’t be duplicated.”

8. Patron Saint
Not everything concerning pizza-making is left to art and science: Mangieri keeps this portrait of a patron saint of people who work with fire next to the vent.

One pizzaiolo to rule them all. Sorry New York. Una Pizza Napoletana is my jam.

I used to live down the street from here. I want to go back more than ever now.

“She’s so refined. I think I’ll kill myself.”

Hey everybody

pbump:

In case you missed the news that Univision beat NBC in sweeps, its full-page, full-color, salt-pouring ad in the Timeswill get you up to speed.

Yikes.

America has spoken and se habla espanol

thepathealy:

juliasegal:

SNL cold open this week?

theacademy:

And the crowd goes wild for Channing tatum! #oscars

Baby Tatums!

imwithkanye:

Independent Spirit Awards. Matthew McConaughey wins Best Supporting Actor for Magic Mike. 

“I had to drop my drawers to win an award,” he said while accepting his trophy.

[Complete list of winners]

Justice!

pauljay:

paulcibis:

danikamcclure:

me

Me too.

Guys is it just that kind of night

Yep

paulcibis:

danikamcclure:

me

Me too.

Guys is it just that kind of night

thisisnthelpful:

wanna hear a joke? A whiny, stupid, white boy joke?

What Mr. Larkin fails to mention in the first story is that he used to physically abuse his ex as well as emotionally abuse her. Boy oh BOY this guy is the worst.

gobayside:

Paul and I watch the one where Screech can see the future for a couple of days and Zack attempts to use this to his advantage, natch.

http://gobayside.libsyn.com/episode-003-the-gift-with-paul-jay

jordanmorris:

Paul F. Tompkins - Driven to Drink

I really love this early PFT special.  It’s slow and thoughful and just a little bit theater-y.  Also, hilarious.

Related:  I should hang out at Cafe Formosa more. 

This is great, and it was my introduction to PFT. Taped it, on video-tape, from HBO Comedy.

pauljay:

File under “things that only make me and my wife laugh”:

This is “No More Rocking and Rolling” by calypso artist King Sparrow. It predicts, incorrectly, as it turns out, the death of rock and the ascension of calypso to the peak of musical popularity. 

Calypso.

You have to listen to a lot of old calypso to find this funny. Also you have to be me and my wife, so, sorry everybody for posting this, I guess?

I am, so I do.

File under “things that only make me and my wife laugh”:

This is “No More Rocking and Rolling” by calypso artist King Sparrow. It predicts, incorrectly, as it turns out, the death of rock and the ascension of calypso to the peak of musical popularity. 

Calypso.

You have to listen to a lot of old calypso to find this funny. Also you have to be me and my wife, so, sorry everybody for posting this, I guess?

They will, Calvin. THEY WILL.

(this post brought to you by the fact that iTunes didn’t used to have gapless playback? what the fuck was THAT about?)

suicideblonde:

Russell Crowe and Anne Hathaway at the Costume Designers Guild Awards in LA, February 18th

I’m going to assume Anne won the “Wearing the Fuck Out of an Extreme Haircut for a Role” award.

Fascinating Map Of The Most Common Locations Where Craigslist “Missed Connections” Occur

Can you really just buy Host wafers on the internet? Apparently. I usually don’t go in for dickhead-atheist behavior, but it would be pretty funny to host an Oscar party and have a big bowl of these on the snack table. Maybe with some wine-infused cheese dip?

 “When people ask me what feature I want in future consoles, my answer is always the same: emotion,” Cage said. (Never mind that “emotion” was explicitly advertised as a feature of the PlayStation 2—the PlayStation 2 is old, and therefore it is a shitbox of lies.) 

Subtext is now text

cunch:

mykechilian:

My board partner David’s Batman cartoon. Watch it!

Fuck, my bro David is stoopid talented!!!

CHESTY

LT. GENERAL CHESTY MCWRINKLES

CHESTERTON J. RUMPLESWORTH OF HAMPTON-UPON-POOCH

creepicrawlies:

U.S. Marine Corps to unveil English bulldog Chesty as new mascot

The distinguished 9-week-old pooch, named after Lt. Gen. Lewis “Chesty” Puller, the most decorated Marine of all time, must complete obedience training before officially taking over at the Marine barracks in Washington, D.C., on March 29.

Read more

PHOTO BY SGT. DENGRIER M. BAEZ

nedhepburn:

This is what wearing Google glasses is like. 

This is absolutely incredible. 

I think I am officially old, because this looks incredibly obnoxious. Why have a society of people looking silently at their phones in public, when we can have everyone be constantly YELLING AT THEIR GLASSES.

I did not know Hayao Miyazaki did genetic design for animals

creepicrawlies:

Are these the cutest furry animals in the world? Flying squirrels of Siberia pop out to say hello

• Siberian or Russian flying squirrels pictured on Japanese island Hokkaido
• Pictures of them playing are unusual as they are shy animals and nocturnal

Read more

HEY @sbellelauren I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING

comedy

come to butthead

I miss booze.

Tango is technically a liquid container, so he should have packed himself in a clear plastic bag

HAHPPY VAHLENTAHYEENS DAYEE

nedhepburn:

soupsoup:

Incredible video footage of meteorite shower in Russia | More here

Does everyone in Russia have a camera on their dashboard?  

Actually, yes, they do, because the cops are so WILDLY corrupt that citizens need to have a video record of all the shit they try to pull, just in case. This is true.

whatshouldwecallsocialmedia:

EVERY COMMUNITY MANAGER TODAY: 

atencio:

funnyordie:

Harlem Shake: Jeff Gordon Edition

The Harlem Shake with NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon and Team Hendrick.

Oh internet I love you too

I enjoyed this even more when I went back and read it out loud in an Obama voice

kevyhawkins:

For those of you that didn’t watch President Obama’s State of the Union address last night here are some of my favorite parts from it.

“I want America to be a magnet for jobs, but I also want America to literally be a magnet. We will replace our soil with magnets. How will the magnets all stay in…

Why is “Paperman” nominated for Best Animated Short? I don’t get it. It’s not bad, exactly, but it’s a story that has been done ONE MILLION TIMES, it’s cloying and obvious, and the score is like high-fructose corn syrup for your ears.

“Adam and Dog” all the way.

theidiotking:

joemande:

Here’s an important video I made of all the dry mouth noises Marco Rubio made during his State of the Union response last night.

Totally disgusting/compelling.

It’s not fair to judge a politician’s general fitness for politics based on something like dry mouth. But it’s really fun.

johnroycomic:

Hey.

Lots of people in every major city are charging money to take a standup comedy class. While I know comedians who have benefited from such classes, the majority consensus among fellow comedians are that these are of dubious value and, even if they help with some fundamentals or with building…

This is great. It’s a topic with ample opportunities for snark and dismissiveness, opportunities that are utterly ignored here in favor of genuine advice that new comics can actually use. And it’s free.

Crooked Fingers covering Prince’s “When U Were Mine”.

nedhepburn:

nevver:

Size matters

Good lord. 

Also: this better be the new “Happy Feet” promo poster. 

Looks like the only thing that matters more than “size” is “shameless, incompetent, almost random digital photo retouching”.

“Adam and Dog”, nominated for Best Animated Short this year.

Holy SHIT.

Maybe it’s because I only recently started to enjoy dog ownership, but this made me cry.

Watch it full screen with a good sound system if you can.

Olly Moss customizes the Best Picture Oscar statues.

Some of these are awesome; some serve to remind us all just how many worthless, crapalicious movies have won Best Picture.

http://oscar.go.com/photos/themed-galleries/special/oscars-best-pictures-tribute

meep

allcreatures:

Australia’s Taronga Zoo welcomed three Fennec Fox infants, the first to be born to a new breeding pair from Europe. The kits, which are just starting to emerge from their nest box, were born on December 19, 2012, a year after the zoo introduced their parents, Zinder and Kibali, a new breeding couple from Europe.

Carnivore Keeper Tamara Bell said, “Any new arrival is special, but what makes these Fennec kits even more important is that they’re the first offspring born to Zinder, the male who came from Germany, and Kebilli, the female from Poland. This means that these kits are not related to any of the Fennec Foxes here in Australia.” 

Aside from expanding the genetics in the Australasian region, the young Fennec Foxes have also provided a boost to the captive population of the species, which dropped to only six throughout Australia prior to 2010.

Fennec Foxes are the smallest of the canines, growing up to only 16 inches (40 cm) and weighing up to 3.3 pounds (1.5 kg’s). Their distinct feature is their large ears that dissipate body heat and keep them cool. Commonly found in the deserts of Sahara and North Africa, Fennec Foxes are burrowing animals that dig tunnels as deep as 15 feet (4.5 m), where their kits are reared.  

Photo Credit: Rick Stevens (via New Bloodline of Fennec Foxes Born at Taronga Zoo - ZooBorns)

brandonbird:

Online-only Valentines I drew in 2010.  Print them out, send them to your pals, lovers, enemies, etc. (and the other designs you can buy as a set here: http://brandonbird.com/shopping.html)

Life

The ol’ side-eye.

The Harlem Shake. Few memes have invited such diverse interpretations, or filled me with such limitless joy.

how…

how did i not know that there is flying squids

allcreatures:

Oceanic squid fly in the air in the northwest Pacific Ocean, 600 km east of Tokyo. The mollusc propels itself out of the ocean by shooting a jet of water at high pressure, before opening its fins to glide at up to 11.2 metres per second.

Picture: AFP PHOTO / HOKKAIDO UNIVERSITY / KOUTA MURAMATSU (via Pictures of the day: 8 February 2013 - Telegraph)

rickish:

Lot going on here.

I just found out, after a decade of owning the program, that iTunes has an equalizer. This is where I set it, because I know nothing of audio levels and just wanted the bass to sound good without overwhelming absolutely everything else.

If any of you have settings you think are better, let me know. I’m fascinated by this stuff.

Wow. @YourAuntDiane is a real person.

atencio:

thetaoofdana:

Custom jewelry… hand made & baked… and yes, they are vaginas. So clever! :)

You can find them HERE!

Gonna wear this on my next date!

There’s been a lot of jokes on the internet today about how Monopoly takes forever to play. I would like to remind the world that Monopoly is a fast-moving and brutally unforgiving game, IF you follow the official rules. No pile of money in the middle that you get for landing on Free Parking, and suddenly a big game-lengthener is just GONE. And you are financially fucked, broke and mortgaging everything you own to survive, just as suddenly as can happen in real life. 

Now that I think about it, maybe people don’t play Monopoly by the official rules because it’s too depressing.

I finally finished watching this show today. It is so goddamned great. Like a soap opera with kung fu, or an animated version of a great fantasy novel. If the fact that it was an anime show on Nickelodeon keeps you away from it, I feel sorry for you. 

Oh come ON

creepicrawlies:

via huffingtonpost.com

COCKATOO SOLO

fuckyeahdementia:

OOOOOOOOOOOH

“We are gonna have a festival if I have to get a shotgun and get people there myself. How’m I doin’?”

Ed Koch and the guy who played the Mayor of Gotham in Tim Burton’s “Batman”: separated at birth?

1. Do you like the Belle Brigade. 2. Why not. 3. Well THIS is what they sound like. 4. You like them now.

One of my top ten movies of all time. DEFINITELY my favorite holiday movie, or maybe just objectively the best holiday movie, from anyone’s point of view, period.

SOMETHING FUZZY THIS WAY COMES

creepicrawlies:

Feeders hold koalas as they pose for group photos at Chimelong Safari Park in Guangzhou, China. The park has successfully bred more than 20 koalas since it imported six koalas from Australia in 2006.

Picture: Xinhua /Landov / Barcroft Media

Why am I not there?!?

COINCIDENCE???

Creepy Woody is the greatest. If Pixar ever decides to make a Toy Story 4, I hope to hell this is a plot point of some kind.

Images courtesy of http://theonecam.com.

Twitter is the weirdest you guys.

nedroidcomics:

The Internet.

creepicrawlies:

Linton Zoo’s ‘baby-sitting’ cat Arnie receives ‘global’ tributes after death

A cat who became a “baby-sitter” to newborn animals at a Cambridgeshire zoo has become a “global star” after his death was reported online, staff said.

Linton Zoo manager Kim Simmons posted photos of Arnie the cat looking after some of the animals online after he died on 9 January.

“We had hundreds of messages but it went crazy when MSN ran it in America,” she said.

“His story seems to have touched, and been shared by, so many.”

She added: “His most special job… was as the baby-sitter of abandoned newborn animals brought into the house for hand-rearing.

continue reading

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. AAAAHHH. AAH. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.

theidiotking:

noel:

If you missed my Spank last night…

This is the most spot on, deadly accurate impression of Lena Dunham you will ever see.

Something about seeing all these people in one place made me weep a little bit with joy

mattgourley:

Backstage at the Thrilling Adventure shows in San Francisco this weekend, we were sitting around a table. Somehow it came up that everyone, in fact, ‘has a phone.’ Steve Agee and Paul F. Tompkins began to doo-wop the statement. There was a John Hodgman at the table too, and I believe a Mark McConville and a Jeremy Carter as well. There may have been more, I don’t know. The point is a little song came out of it and then not long after, this happened.

danforth:

I see this GIF set from time to time and my brain shouts, “HAPPY, you idiots! One of them was called Happy! It’s a slam dunk!”

If I’d been on this show, even if I had remembered “Happy”, I still would’ve answered “Doc”, because I’m fun.

kellyoxford:

KIDS IN THE HALL INSTANT/ALWAYS REBLOG. 

At the wedding I went to last night I asked my freshman year of college roommate, “Are you a Kids in the Hall fan at all” because I wanted to reference a sketch starring Tammy, and she said, “No, and you’ve been asking me that for more than a decade.”

steveagee:

New Coen brothers

danforth:

This is me. I am cold. Please curb your dog.

And always, ALWAYS wear your seat belt.

lunatictoons:

*pretty much

Oh good LORD these are all so good.

“Well, Junior, here’s what we used to do. We used to go out into the woods and chop down a bunch of trees. Then we’d smoosh them flat. Then we’d cover them with naked women. Then, we’d take ‘em back to the woods.”

HATERS GONNA HATE

this reminds me of a girl I used to date

IT JUST KEEPS GOING AND I LOVE IT

Achewood’s “The Great Outdoor Fight”. A great comics story and a great source of wise and inspirational sayings.

tastefullyoffensive:

Petting Charts for Cats and Dogs

[via] 

My cats LOVE getting their tummies scratched, but otherwise this is scrupulously accurate

Friday.

life:

The winner of the 1945 Miss America pageant, 21-year-old Bess Myerson of New York — the first Jewish woman to win the crown. She went on to a career in public service. See more photos of her here.

nathanieljams:

I’ve been tweeting ad nauseum about Manti T’eo. It’s a prank. It’s something that deserves to be joked about—especially if you’ve been on Tumblr since 2008.

I’ve also been making references to the tragedy regarding Lizzy Seeberg, a young woman who was raped in 2010 and killed herself 10 days…

A game that everyone wins

A bunch of crazy libertarians want to build a walled city where they can have freedom and a gun factory and condos and (probably) no black people, without the government interfering. If The Man tries to trespass and take their god-given assault weapons and sister-wives, he’ll have to penetrate the Outer Defenses! 

Which The Man would be able to easily, easily do. Take a look at this layout concept, and see if you can count the military technologies that could lay waste to this stupid, stupid place in a matter of minutes. Hint: some of the technologies are HUNDREDS OF YEARS OLD.

It’s one of the best show formats I’ve encountered in my comedy lifetime. It’s also sold out to the bare walls everywhere Bryan puts it on. If you didn’t get into the show last night, here’s my story to give you a flavor of what goes down. My topic of choice was Gary Larson’s “The Far Side”.

The Far Side…of Eros

Edgar was sure that the cow was following him.

It was wearing a trenchcoat that covered everything but its hooves, and a fedora perched atop its horns, but it was definitely a cow. Edgar had seen it out in front of the ACME Rubber Chicken Nugget factory, where it had been peering up at his office window from behind a dumpster. He saw it again on his lunch break, reflected over his shoulder in a pet store window as he checked out the display of new summer anacondas. And now here it was again, three seats behind him on the bus, unsuccessfully attempting to hide behind a newspaper sporting the masthead “The Moo York Times”.

          Edgar couldn’t understand why a cow would wander so far outside of Cowtown. Bovine-Americans were tolerated in the human sections of the city, but mostly they were expected to stay in their ethnic enclave, controlling the dairy industry and entertaining a constant stream of tourists. Now here one was, riding a bus all the way out to the boxy tract housing of the suburbs, and Edgar couldn’t help but feel that it was somehow because of him.

         Finally the bus arrived at Edgar’s stop. He stepped down onto the sidewalk and started walking toward home. He had just started relaxing when he heard the hoofbeats. He turned around and saw the cow. It was following him again. When it saw that it had Edgar’s attention, it stopped to lean on a lamppost, twirling its tail idly in one hoof, the fedora down over its eyes, shading them from the streetlight mysteriously…almost seductively.

         “Don’t I know you?” it said.

         “I…don’t think so,” Edgar muttered.

         The cow squinted and chewed thoughtfully on its cud.

         “You weren’t down at the Milk Factory for the last four nights?”

         “Is that the cow bar on Fourth Street…I mean no.”

         The cow licked its lips.

         “We’ve never met?”

         “I don’t think so.”

         “Then how did I know where you lived…EDGAR?”

         Edgar froze. He could have sworn he had never seen this cow before today. How did it know him?

         “Whatever. Play coy if you want. We’re in your neighborhood, gotta keep up appearances, I get it. Go ahead and act like you don’t want…THIS.”

         The cow opened its trenchcoat. The mellow orange light of the sunset glistened off the fine hairs of its underbelly; the rippling rolls of milky white alternating with softly curving patches of black. And down at the center of it all, between the cow’s legs, the udders stood proudly, pink and warm, shiny and taut, like a rubber glove full of sweet white wine.

         The cow smirked.

         “You see? Your mouth says we don’t know each other, but your body…your body knows everything.”

         The cow dipped its eyes toward Edgar’s crotch, where Edgar was astonished to find a turgid, uncontrollable swelling. His cock was so hard it was practically steaming in the cool night air. He might not know this cow, but suddenly he felt, deep inside himself, that he wanted to know.

         “Come on, Edgar,” said the cow. “I like this game; pretend you don’t know me, that I don’t know what you want, that you don’t know what I like. Let me teach you all over again…”

         The cow moved closer to Edgar, leaving the trenchcoat hanging open, pressing its hot belly against Edgar’s thick, cylindrical midsection. Its udders ground against the fly of his pants and the throbbing longing concealed within. Edgar grabbed the fedora off the cow’s head, flung it into the street, grabbed the cow by the horns, and kissed it full on the mouth. Its breath was baking hot on his face, thick with the scent of earth and grass; its tongue huge and choking in his mouth, its lips wrapping around his cheeks almost all the way back to his ears. He had never been so aroused…or had he? Something about all this was starting to feel very…familiar.

         The cow reached down his pants. The inner curve of its hoof fit perfectly over his shaft, making him even harder than he thought possible. The cow began to work the hoof slowly up and down, softly but insistently, and Edgar began moving his lower body to match. Without thinking, and without pulling his lower body away, he drew back from the kiss, pulled the cow’s head down and sideways, and sucked its left horn into his mouth.

         The cow shuddered against him, and Edgar knew he had done the right thing. He worked his mouth up and down the length of the horn, relishing the rough texture against his tongue, the sweeping curve halfway down; he felt for the rippled knot of bone where the horn met the skull and tickled it with his fingers while his tongue worked the tip. The cow scraped its hoof against his frantic member, faster and faster, rougher and rougher; he could feel himself getting scraped raw, but he didn’t care, couldn’t care, all he could think about was the mouthful of horn that was choking him, loving him, filling him with everything he had never known he needed so badly.

         The cow withdrew its hoof from his underwear, and gently eased its head back. Its horn popped free of Edgar’s lips and he gasped for air. His horn-rimmed glasses were steamed over, his crewcut damp like a suburban lawn under morning dew.

         “Well, look at Mister Selective Amnesia,” the cow said. “Seems you remember me just fine. But let’s make sure. You know how to use that mouth, all right; but can you use it where it counts?”

         The cow dropped the trenchcoat entirely and grabbed its udder pouch in both forehooves. The udders were even more swollen now, their tips glistening with milky liquid, throbbing softly up and down with the beat of the cow’s heart, like a quartet of conductors leading an orchestra, or four rock-hard—

         “Wait a MINUTE,” said Edgar. “Are those penises?”

         “Of course they are. I’m a male cow.”

         “What do you mean, a male cow? There’s no such thing! Just cows, and bulls!”

         “Oh, come on, Edgar. How many Far Side cartoons have you read? Have you EVER seen a bull? It’s just cows! And I’m a male! Female udders give milk, and male udders give-“

         “Stop talking,” said Edgar, and dropped to his knees. He grabbed the cow by its bony rump with one hand, and with the other, he caressed the soft pouch from which the udder-penises protruded. He kissed the cow’s stomach, over and over, downward to the fourfold prongs of ecstasy that eagerly awaited his moist attention. He took each of them into his mouth one by one, and just as he greedily stuffed the fourth one in and began to suck, a shout rang out over the street:

         “Edgar! So THIS is how I find out?”

         Edgar snapped his head back and stared down the street. Stomping toward them, beehive bobbing, cats-eye glasses glinting with anger in the glare of the streetlamps, was Edgar’s wife.

         “Enid? Enid, this isn’t what it looks like!”

         “Really? Because it looks like you’re fellating a man-cow in the middle of the sidewalk!”

         Enid stopped mere feet from them, hands on her hips, one huge square shoe tapping a rhythm of fury on the pavement.

         “Enid, I can explain!”

         “Don’t try to explain. Just tell me one thing: what made you think I wouldn’t be into this?”

         “Wh—what?”

         “I have desires you’ve never known, Edgar. I’ve longed for a day like this. I want you. Both of you. Here and now.”

         And without another word, Enid fell to her knees, right beside Edgar, and took the cow’s left pair of udder-cocks in her thin lips. Edgar tried to think, tried to figure out how this could be happening so fast, but within seconds his rational mind was overwhelmed with desire. He HAD wanted this. He had to join in, had to see it through to the end. He sucked the right pair of udders halfway down his throat and began bobbing his head up and down. As they both worked the pulsating teats, the frames of their glasses clicking rhythmically together, Edgar had just enough presence of mind left to be amazed; Enid had been completely sexually disinterested in him for what felt like years. Who knew a trip to Cowtown had been what their marriage needed all along? But before he could think too much, Enid was taking control again, dragging him around behind her while she continued to orally pleasure the cow. Then, almost as soon as that position had fallen into a delightful rhythm for the three of them, she was switching them to both get behind her in a triple doggy-style sex train. Then Enid and Edgar each blew one of the cow’s horns while it jerked them both off. Then Edgar laid on his back while the cow bounced on his cock and Enid rode his face. Then, another position, and another, and another, each more elaborate than the last.

         Finally Edgar couldn’t hold back anymore. “Enid, I think I’m cumming,” he said. “Me too,” said the cow. “Do it in my hair!” said Enid. “I want you two to fuck my beehive until you squirt your royal man-jelly all over it!”

         Edgar and the cow frantically complied, facing each other as Enid kneeled between them, her towering hairdo willingly receiving all five of their desperate members, thrusting back and forth and up and down until Edgar and the cow climaxed together in an explosion of love-yogurt that gushed into, over, and through Enid’s beehive, making it look like a Twinkie that someone had put in a microwave. Edgar and the cow collapsed back, exhausted, onto the pavement.

         “That was incredible,” said the cow.

         “I never knew it could be like that,” said Edgar.

         “You most certainly did!” said Enid, and began to laugh, harder and harder and harder. As she did, her skin sagged and bagged and sloughed off onto the ground, taking her dress with it, and revealing that she wasn’t a woman at all, but only a human-shaped metal armature controlled from the center by a small bug-eyed grey alien.

         “Enid!” Edgar exclaimed. “What else haven’t you told me?”

         “So many things, human fool! For instance, ENID stands for Extraterrestrial Neural Identity Destabilizer! I’m a mind control agent from another planet! Why do you think this cow remembers meeting you before, but you don’t remember him? I’ve been projecting sexual cow fantasies into your head every night while you sleep. Then you wander the cow neighborhoods and seedy cow bars, finding torrid human/cow sexual release that you have no memory of upon waking. But until now, I was never able to catch you in the act!”

         “But why, Enid, why?”

         “So that I could intervene in your interspecies infidelity and collect the perfect combination sample of human and bovine DNA! Now I have the chemical formula that will power our weapons and form the template for the army of fuckborgs that we will use to conquer the earth!”

         “Wait, we? Our?” said the cow. “There are more of you?”

         “Millions more! We are here! We have arrived! Because of you! Why do you think I insisted that our crazy-ass 3-way take place out in the open under the glare of a streetlamp? So that the ocular pods of my orbiting mothership could read the writhing alien sex hieroglyphics that I’ve been forming with your naked bodies! The signal has been transmitted! LET THE INVASION BEGIN!”

         And with a final, inhuman cackle, the creature that had once been Enid vanished in a cloud of purplish-orange light; the same light that now began to pour into the night from the searchlights of hundreds, no, thousands of descending flying saucers. As the invasion fleet landed, lowered their battle ramps, and disgorged a horny army of mutant cyberslaves, each with a cow’s body, Edgar’s face, and a thousand angry penises, Edgar and the cow could only stare ruefully at each other. Somehow, they had always known it would end like this. 

A moody Boston terrier named Wednesday.

FOR NOTHING

newsweek:

Oh hello, Kate Middleton portrait. 

Is this portrait going to age instead of Kate?

atencio:

This is basically what owning pets is like when you’re depressed.

MST3k. “A Joke: By Ingmar Bergman”.

I was on acid the first time I saw this.

what

I love you @GirlGoneGoldbrg

So I’m just like,

OH AAAAGOOOOOONYYYYY

lunatictoons:

Meet Minerva

WELL MET, MINERVA

#tbt Senior pic 1995. No idea what I thought I was doing with my eyebrows/anything else.

thepathealy:

formerlydietcock:

Samuel L. Jackson singlehandedly redeems the inane ritual of the auto-pilot press junket interview by making Jake “The Movie Guy” Hamilton of KRIV-TV’s “Jake’s Takes” squirm in response to a question about the “controversy” surrounding Django Unchained. REQUIRED VIEWING.

[h/t Tyler Coates, Blackbook; original unexcerpted video here, via YouTube]

Greatest. Thing. Ever.

HAVE FUN AT THE BEACH EVERYBODY

Please thank Moose for being a goddamn perfect little angel for the entirety of today’s SIXTEEN-HOUR car ride.

I DO DECLARE

*fans self like a Southern belle, faints daintily to floor*

fakecriterions:

Not strictly Criterion, but a neat project from last year’s contest winner.

andrewihla:

One of my Christmas gifts to JoJo: the complete Pixar collection on Blu-Ray, in matching packaging I designed.  I purchased each movie we didn’t already have, and transferred them to Criterion’s beautiful all-art, all-clear cases.  The fronts, backs, spines, and insides of all 14 cases feature original Pixar development and concept art that I scavenged from various books n’ blogs and pieced together into designs that are hopefully a little more complimentary to the films than the character clipart Disney uses.  Gonna make some little guidebooks for all of ‘em, with cast & crew info and bonus listings.

jamesadomian:

anarcho-queer:

Documents Reveal That The Government Worked With Big Banks To Crackdown On The Occupy Movement

It was more sophisticated than we had imagined: new documents show that the violent crackdown on Occupy last fall – so mystifying at the time – was not just coordinated at the level of the FBI, the Department of Homeland Security, and local police. The crackdown, which involved, as you may recall, violent arrests, group disruption, canister missiles to the skulls of protesters, people held in handcuffs so tight they were injured, people held in bondage till they were forced to wet or soil themselves –was coordinated with the big banks themselves.

The Partnership for Civil Justice Fund, in a groundbreaking scoop that should once more shame major US media outlets (why are nonprofits now some of the only entities in America left breaking major civil liberties news?), filed this request. The document – reproduced here in an easily searchable format – shows a terrifying network of coordinated DHS, FBI, police, regional fusion center, and private-sector activity so completely merged into one another that the monstrous whole is, in fact, one entity: in some cases, bearing a single name, the Domestic Security Alliance Council. And it reveals this merged entity to have one centrally planned, locally executed mission. The documents, in short, show the cops and DHS working for and with banks to target, arrest, and politically disable peaceful American citizens.

The documents, released after long delay in the week between Christmas and New Year, show a nationwide meta-plot unfolding in city after city in an Orwellian world: six American universities are sites where campus police funneled information about students involved with OWS to the FBI, with the administrations’ knowledge (p51); banks sat down with FBI officials to pool information about OWS protesters harvested by private security; plans to crush Occupy events, planned for a month down the road, were made by the FBI – and offered to the representatives of the same organizations that the protests would target; and even threats of the assassination of OWS leaders by sniper fire – by whom? Where? – now remain redacted and undisclosed to those American citizens in danger, contrary to standard FBI practice to inform the person concerned when there is a threat against a political leader (p61).

As Mara Verheyden-Hilliard, executive director of the PCJF, put it, the documents show that from the start, the FBI – though it acknowledges Occupy movement as being, in fact, a peaceful organization – nonetheless designated OWS repeatedly as a “terrorist threat”:

“FBI documents just obtained by the Partnership for Civil Justice Fund (PCJF) … reveal that from its inception, the FBI treated the Occupy movement as a potential criminal and terrorist threat … The PCJF has obtained heavily redacted documents showing that FBI offices and agents around the country were in high gear conducting surveillance against the movement even as early as August 2011, a month prior to the establishment of the OWS encampment in Zuccotti Park and other Occupy actions around the country.”

Why the huge push for counterterrorism “fusion centers”, the DHS militarizing of police departments, and so on? It was never really about “the terrorists”. It was not even about civil unrest. It was always about this moment, when vast crimes might be uncovered by citizens – it was always, that is to say, meant to be about you.

Read More

Posting this a third time. Must-read. Biggest bombshell revelation of 2012 and nobody cares.

This seems like it might be important? I dunno

fuckyeahbehindthescenes:

Benicio Del Toro was originally set to play Darth Maul. Del Toro left the film after George Lucas took most of Maul’s lines out of the film.

Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace (1999)

Another day, another retrospective confirmation that George Lucas has no idea what he’s doing.

The face of evil.

vamosvideo:

Deleted scene from Ed Wood.

Bill Murray singing Que Sera Sera in Spanish. 

Did anyone send for a Cleaner?

remainchampagne:

At the Silverlake Lounge Open Microphone last night, my friend Amber Kenny and I came up with what could be a fun stand-up comedy game: Whenever someone neither of us recognizes gets on stage, we place bets on what topics we think they’ll talk about. Wagers must be placed after listening…

I will call you “SPORKY”

oldloves:

Illeana Douglas & Martin Scorsese, 1993

I wonder if Illeana Douglas and Rachel Ticotin ever hang out and trade Marty stories

I am going to steal this dog and live with him in the woods

There’s a Krampus under my bed

Too much Christmas.

Best pup roasting on an open fire.

*sniff*

bohemea:

Scarlett Johansson by Russell James

See!

This picture of Christopher Walken looks exactly like Scarlett Johansson.

paulcibis:

Merry Christmas everybody.  This is what children’s movies were like in the ’80s.

Bruce McCulloch’s salient advice to people trying to make it in show business.

Moose practicing his Road Cute skills.

creepicrawlies:

Perth numbats sent east to help national species recovery

Perth numbats are in transit to New South Wales in a bid to save the species. Source: AdelaideNow

This sounds like a name someone would have in a comedy sketch. “Hi. I’m Perth Numbat.”

This is a short video of a baby panda. He plays with a ball. He also plays with a small log. Then he rolls around for a minute. Then he plays with the ball again.

I CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thepathealy:

Still holds up!

Guided By Voices, “Drinker’s Peace”.

Turn the lights down, snuggle up to this song. And don’t forget your booties, ‘cause it’s cold out there today.

oldloves:

“The show allowed a lot of room for interpretation and improvisation. Shaffer recalled that Short was fond of doing a bit in which he’d walk out in front of the crowd during intermission and imitate Frank Sinatra, using the Chairman’s phrasing to make dreary words sound romantic: “Linoleum … your face is like linoleum!” Among those smitten was Catherine O’Hara, then still in high school but, through her older brother, part of the same circle of young performers. “I had eyes for Marty,” she said. “I kissed his picture in the program.” But it was Radner whom Short started dating—they were a couple for two years.”

-from the Martin Short profile in the new issue of Vanity Fair, describing the now legendary 1973 Toronto production of Godspell which launched the careers of Short, Gilda Radner, Victor Garber, Eugene Levy, and Paul Shaffer.

(image:annecyhs)

http://thismodernworld.com/

bringbackcrystalpepsi:

i fucking love the bridges of portland. 

Click here.  Sign it.  Reblog this.  Tweet.  Facebook.  You know the drill.  

Chris Rock, “Blacks Aren’t Crazy”

2. Most people will give up their guns, but a few gun nuts will try to hang onto them.

3. The government will attempt to take the gun nuts’ guns away from them.

4. The gun nuts will resist.

5. The government will, as it absolutely always does in these situations, kill the gun nuts.

6. No more gun nuts. The rest of us get to enjoy a national firearm murder rate in the low double digits.

MMMMM-HMMM THAT’S SOME GOOD DOWAGER COUNTESS RIGHT THERE

wehadfacesthen:

Maggie Smith , 1964, photo by Terence Donovan

(Terence Donovan Archive/Getty Images)

via ricksginjoint

fuckyeahbehindthescenes:

An 11-foot long David Hasselhoff figure was built so cameramen could film without straining the real Hasselhoff.

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004)

I want to get rich just so I can buy this like Michael Jackson bought the Elephant Man’s skeleton

When I go to a Portland dog park and the weather is actually nice

lunatictoons:

Foxy by Proxy, Friz Freleng, 1952

This is why you should all listen to Superego seriously go listen to Superego right now you guys

mattgourley:

This is the tag from the latest episode of Superego.

Usually I just tack these things on at the end of the credits unexplained, but this is one of my weirdest favorites and there’s a story behind it.

Earlier this year, we recorded with the hilarious Birds of Prey: Susan Burke, Lizzy Cooperman, and Emily Maya Mills. When I was editing some of the stuff that we did that steamy night, it got split up between hard drives. Not long after, I moved from Long Beach to Los Angeles and things got even more confusing. Long story short, the recordings that got overlooked were some sketches we did with Greg Proops, Jeff Davis, and the Birds of Prey - including this idea called the ‘Lady America Pageant.’

There’s something about it that I just love. I never read Flowers in the Attic but I remember it was a scandal and a sensation when it came out. I also remember recording this tag and the fact that Emily plays my incestuous brother just killed me in the room and kills me now. I can’t explain it, I just found it horribly adorable.

Anyway, hope you enjoy it/are made uncomfortable by it and someday I hope to have a go at some of the hours and hours of unused recordings that languish on Superego hard drives throughout the western world.

P.S. I might really want to do a Flowers in the Attic book club. Who’s in? Maybe we’ll record it as a podcast.

Which one of you guys has submitted a packet to do the punch up?

Rockabilly Batman.

From this guy.

12!

thingsorganizedneatly:

SUBMISSION: Live with only 100 objects for one week.

Somehow I don’t think a laptop computer should count as only one object.

Everybody stand back. I GOT THIS. #portland #casting #bigbreak

The hobbits symbolize me, and the Ringwraith of Morgul symbolizes artistic and financial success

michaelchalls:

Is there a mystic with the answers from above?
Is there a goddess with the hourglass of love?
So many questions swirling all around my heart,
Is this the end or just the start?

How, HOW HOW HOW had I never heard the original French “Les Miserables” concept album before?

GO TO BED

disneypixar:

“What if kids are telling the truth, and there really are monsters in their closets?” - John Lasseter

Dreams.

Seriously why are all movies the same movie

Superego might be the best podcast. It is DEFINITELY the only podcast that leaves you wanting more.

mattgourley:

FROM: the upcoming Superego.

Paul F. Tompies in Brown B-Wing Squadron and Jeremy Carter and Greg Proops in The Princess Pomegranate Singles Cruise.

Superego returns December 3rd! 

ALSO: Superego is live at UCB on Friday, December 7 at 8PM! Guests include Paul F. Tompims and the gentlemen of the Thrilling Adventure Hour. Mark Gagliardi, Marc Evan Jackson, Craig Cackowski, and Hal Lublin.

Get in on this early. Tickets here. It will be a Christmas show and it follows Dead Authors hosted by Paul F. Timtims and the very same guests listed above. Tickets here.

Timtims.

This is the only video anyone should watch from now on

laurenashleybishop:

aplacetolovedogs:

A hilarious video of thirsty dog drinking water from a squirt gun!

Original Article

let this into your heart

asterios:

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Today, President Obama reached an unprecedented agreement with the earth’s climate to halt global warming until the US economy reaches 4% annual growth.

The news was cheered throughout the world, as economists shook hands with rapidly receding shorelines worldwide.

“We are…

thekittencovers:

Village Kittens - Macho Cat

Hot new bathroom tile idea: kill a bunch of these and cover your bathroom with ‘em

creepicrawlies:

All rights reserved by Divaholic

CNN, you are fired. Clean out your desk. Security will escort you from the building.

ann-tagonist:

I recently realised that I actually think all PIV is rape. If I use my definition (weaponization of the penis), then consensual intercourse still falls under that. Even if you like it. Even if you have an orgasm. You can’t consent to being assaulted, after all. The physical consequences of…

I thought this was a 15-year-old person who had just discovered “social justice” on the Internet. Then I read a bit more of her blog and found out she’s 30. Trigger warning for stupidity!

“What’s your Thanksgiving song?”

whoaskedforthis:

It’s either racism or people are just mad at how cool he seems. For the record, he can’t be that cool.

natashavc:

(via ironbunny)

FACE!!

This kind of thing is why I can’t quit you, Boardwalk Empire.

The Library of Congress has a collection of professionally-bound hardcover video game strategy guides.

HOW CAT PARALLEL PARK?

natashavc:

singoutlouise:

Genie, my third wish is to never ever read another letter like this ever again. I mean, how exhausting it must be to have to take political inventory of your sexual impulses, and then, like, ask flighty new age internet advice columnists about them. 

Number of seconds I’ve spent agonizing over the seeming dissonance between my sexual fantasies and my social conscience/political ideology: zero. 

If you have any guilt or shame about your desires, work that into the sex, and maybe spend your newfound free time volunteering at a rape crisis hotline.

*rubs lamp*

Erectile tissue is apolitical. And thank fucking god.

Behold: the only enjoyable thing that resulted from the greenlighting and production of “Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close”.

barbaragray:

:)

“Sorry I laughed on the air, this book cover just ran past me!”

thesofiya:

Got this in the mail from @brockwilbur and almost died from love and friendship. Thank you Brock (and @theblogess for wiring the book)!

nedhepburn:

Yes. I was being completely serious and telling an Actual Fact™ in saying that I am entitled to date ScarJo. 

“Social justice” tumblrers are the stupidest, stupidest people. It’s a shame Ronald Reagan closed all the federal Homes for the Humor Impaired.

HOW PINECONE HAVE BABIES?

nedhepburn:

Life during wartime.

Something about this makes me think of those Civil War battles where people came and watched the fighting while having picnics.

PEACE ON EARTH

creepicrawlies:

Meet the Hedgehogittens: Caring cat becomes surrogate mother to a very prickly little brood

I bet they were just watching a news story about how the Republican party is totally going to rebrand itself

EXTREME CATS

No digital effects were used to simulate the hilariously dumb comments on this video.

Folksam reklamfilm: Evas katt (by folksam)

This picture makes your hands look smaller than they really are

jonahray:

Me at 16? with a REFUSE AND RESIST banner behind me #FreeMumia #where?

Seriously considering using this as my comedy club photo

Sometimes, you just need to look at this.

You ask, “why cats?” This is why.

disneypixar:

disneyparksphotoproject:

On Duty

photographer: Noah Kalina

location: Disney Hollywood Studios

Howdy, Partner!

“Well hell-OOO, Space Ranger. New in town? How about we mosey on over to Splash Mountain and you can ride my log?”

I’d like to thank this guy, and also the tragic unpredictability and inevitability of death, for the good night’s sleep I am currently not enjoying.

bohemea:

Hedwig and the Angry Inch - Midnight Radio

For the misfits and the losers
Yeah, you know you’re rock and rollers

three-legged-dog:

Chris Cornell and Andy Wood

I don’t know who is reading this, but I’m reasonably sure you have never seen this. There is no found footage like public access television found footage.

I give you: Spearman’s Addiction.

“Nov. 21, 1998: Spearman’s Addiction was a late night Southern California public access program that aired only a handful of times in the late 1990s (I hope). Unfortunately, my VHS recording begins “in medias res,” just as Rev. Earl Spearman finished introducing this episode’s thesis: “Don’t become ‘I,’ ‘I’ becomes ‘It,’ ‘It’ will want to ‘Hit…’” He had already written “H - I - T” on his board when I pressed record, assuming he was about to put an ‘S’ in front of it. What happened next was even better.”

It’s a bit cold today.

nedhepburn:

Venice is flooding.

Y’ALL ARE SWIMMING IN POOP.

Hey CNN, not everybody knows golf terms, maybe take that into account when you write your headlines

fuckyeahawesome90s:

80s-90s-supermodels:

Versace 1996
Model : Jon Bon Jovi

GOOD AFTERNOON!

Honestly, the first thing I thought when I looked at this was “HIS HEAD IS ENORMOUS”

A welcome reminder to my conservative/libertarian friends that Bill O’Reilly and all who think like him are not just assholes, but ignorant assholes.

“Bill’s personal warning that if the president isn’t nice to him, he might just take his ball and go home, is just one example of the idea at the heart of conservative economics—that the rest of us are utterly dependent on the wealthy; that people like O’Reilly aren’t just making money for themselves, they’re making money for everyone. That these are damn nice crumbs spilling off their table, and we’d better just shut up before they close down the feast.”

I solved this, in pen, in 48 seconds

nickciarelli:

Down:

1.) “I don’t have bread, but I do have…”

3.) A person who speaks

4.) How many fingers & toes in existence

5.) Someone who talks a lot

Across:

2.) Whisper/Expelling air to whisper

7.) Alternative name for ‘bellhop’

8.) A long duck

9.) Opposite arms

10.) Ichabod Crane’s…

theavc:

flancoulter:

motherFUCKER

Not sure if the motherFUCKER was directed at us or not, but we’ll take it. Because we believe in things.

Does this mean that Newsroom is in the same universe as United States of Tara?

How are YOU reacting to the election? You’re NINE. Go play with your Bakugan or whatever.

Somehow the combination of this with Obama’s reelection is making me weep like a damn sap

whitepeoplemourningromney:

http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2012/11/2/1351884534566/006e1307-2725-4550-9e21-4174eeef091b-460.jpeg

It’ll be okay white people

whitepeoplemourningromney:

http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2012/11/2/1351884534566/006e1307-2725-4550-9e21-4174eeef091b-460.jpeg

theonion:

Full Story.

pauljay:

Hey look, it’s morning in America!

Portland’s sky hasn’t been this clear for weeks. This MEANS something. This is IMPORTANT.

Hey look, it’s morning in America!

Portland’s sky hasn’t been this clear for weeks. This MEANS something. This is IMPORTANT.

SEE YOU IN ATTICA, DICK

BYE-BYE, DICKHEAD

I would donate to this Kickstarter like nobody’s bidness

sirmitchell:

I was recently asked to participate in the #govote campaign. I thought it was a fun idea, but I was having trouble figuring out how to reach the younger, hip voters. I thought for days about which icon best represents this new batch of voters, Bieber? Lady Gaga? One of those Kardashian things? Then it hit me, John Adams. 

Cool as shit John Adams is just gonna wait here and judge you until you vote. 

To find your polling place, check out this nifty google page.

It’s possible in some states to still register, you can find out here.

acehotel:

For the third time, local Portland designers reshape the second floor of Ace Hotel Portland for CONTENT 2012, a live installation of goods and the things and people that inspire them into being. Before you start selflessly shopping for others, you can grab something(s) for yourself at the pop-up shop in the Cleaners, get a cocktail and wander through the Sleep-No-More-esque jungle of the second story with smart, the Portland Mercury, Gretchen Jones and a shimmering roster of talented movers and shakers (and makers, as illustrated above). See everything here and come show your support for this new-fangled notion in Portland: fashion. Post-Gore-Tex, almost post-olive drab, we’re working as fast and as furious as possible to empower those nascent threads of fabulousness and form-over-function-ness in the Portland underground.

See last year here and here captured by Jeremy Pelley of OMFGCo.

brandonvaughn:

www.MyTherapyBuddy.com sent a package to the writer’s room today and now we’re all gonna be okay.

Let’s see if you still think so when it slowly opens its eyes in the dead of night

Current music, creepy cover art addendum.

When I was a kid, I had no idea that multiple recordings of classical pieces existed; I thought the first one I heard was the only one, and any other version kinda sounded like a mistake. This is the recording of “Nutcracker” that my folks played every year, and it is burned in my brain to this day.

More holiday nostalgia to come? You bet your goddamn sugarplums.

Current music.

I’m not used to the change of seasons, and it’s pretty fascinating. The last time I endured it in all its glory, I was a kid who loved this cartoon. I still love it even though I am, in most measurable ways, not a kid. It’s got color, music, humor and nudity. What’s not to love?

Also, “Fantasia” is on YouTube in its entirety, which is apparently allowed? 

trickunicorn:

avoidant personality disorder ghost wishes you a happy Halloween

WAIT WHEN DID I DIE

POWER ANIMAL.

allcreatures:

An owl who is afraid of flying outside in big open spaces has been given his own red brick house. Gandalf the great grey owl gets scared flying out in the open so his owners have built his aviary inside a brick shed. He now spends his days watching the world go by out of his window. “He is a bit of a wuss as he doesn’t like flying in big open spaces,” said owner Janet Southard, who runs the Wild Arena photography company, based inside Knowsley Safari Park near Liverpool.

Picture: Mark Bridger / Rex Features (via Pictures of the day: 1 November 2012 - Telegraph)

Shouldn’t this be marked “SSF”?

thepathealy:

thecarlosramos:

Holy. Shit.

Ha ha. One of the funniest costumes ever. 

natashavc:

measure B would ban porn productions in LA county that did not require their performers to wear condoms. as a life-long resident/defender of the san fernando valley i feel as though this measure is the equivalent to shutting down the town’s steel mill and shipping our jobs overseas (to Fresno)….

My takeaway from this is “Fuck Fresno” and I couldn’t agree more

Kids, don’t do drugs

My night.

suicideblonde:

30 Rock - Werewolf Bar Mitzvah 

jonahray:

flailure:

The first time I heard this song, a girl was lying on top of me and softly singing it in my ear. It just came up on my Spotify, and though I don’t really miss her, that last chorus nearly did me in.

Automatic Weakerthans reblog.

THANKS A LOT DICKHOLES

I ALWAYS LOVE CRYING INTO MY KEYBOARD FIRST THING IN THE MORNING

Rich pickings down there for any of NYC’s scuba hobos (or “scubos”)

Scientists: They’re Just Like Us

bohemea:

Christina Ricci - The Face, October 1998

Okay, he’s getting the hang of it.

Moose was spilling out of his old bed so we got him a bigger one

tastefullyoffensive:

Grumpy Cat goes outside

Grumpy Picture Of Yourself Wednesday

Sorry, just getting caught up on Internet stuff for the day.

Was this Trump’s big “announcement”?

Portland! I am doing The Mystery Box Show tomorrow night 7:30pm at The Brody Theatre. Come and hear me and a few other fun folks tell uncomfortably sexy tales that will reassure you about your own life decisions.

This is an avocado that I made out of Legos. It’s 21 inches tall, about the size of a toddler. Photographed with a vintage R2-D2 figure for scale. I’m blogging it for friends who’ve never seen it, and also because it got broken when I moved and it might be a long time before I put it back together.

Peas!

In honor of George Carlin getting a street named after him, I thought I’d post one of my favorite older bits of his. This is Silly Carlin, a fella we didn’t hear from very often after the mid-1980s or so. He’s goofin’ around, not yelling or sermonizing or putting Christians on blast, just taking a childlike joy in playing with language and talking about a food he likes. It’s still NSFW but it’s very sweet. And the way he says “three cans of goddamn peas” at 0:54 always cracks me the heck up.

barackisamuslim:

I can’t believe how poorly my Sexy James Cromwell costumes have been selling.

Please buy one of these from Ameen so James Cromwell won’t break his legs